Friday, July 31, 2009

Joke of the day submitted by Mrs. L

I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

He Kicked, He screamed, He evolved

Quote of the day: "I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." Beryl Pfizer

Song of the day: "I remember you." Skid Row

I finally got Doc to get a new computer. Of course it is a good one, it has 1 TB of hard drive. Ya baby. I have to move a few files from the old one and do some house cleaning. I figure tonight after the kids go to bed I will set it up for him (he knows about it, lol, but we just ran out of time yesterday). It is a gateway (like my laptop) we are not up to fooling with Mac's. Heck, PC is all we both know. I fooled with a Mac yesterday and thought my brain was on fry down. LOL. Dave... Scarlet V.... God Bless you Macies u. LOL. I lack the patience for it.

Doc has gone back home for the ball game and to see about his mother's health. He packed the car this morning and left. BooHooHOo. I miss him already! The girls made cards for his mom. When he was ready to go I went back to get them and they were gone, awwww he remembered! (I asked where they were and he said packed!) HEE HEE. I just love him some days! Well all days just some more then others.

Today is Thursday. LOL. I just set the TV on Sci-Fi and couldn't figure out why Eureka won't be on at 9pm. GRRRR. Will I ever get it right? LOL.

Bird is sitting on another clutch of eggs. We plan on taking them away on Sunday. Will this ever end?

I have a lot to say but I have more to do. LOL. Not fair. We get High Speed Internet and I am behind the eightball on things to do!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Song of the day: "Leaving on a Jet Plane" Chantal Kreviazuk

Quote of the day: "Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either." Golda Meir (1898-1978)

You don't have to be raised a southern to grow accustomed to being spoiled.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

DOC grrrrrrrrr

You know - I depend on Doc. I really do. Eureka switched nights and being on a new time zone this is the third week in a row that I have missed it. I am grrrr-ing Doc... cuz he said he would remind me last weeek to see it this week and I just remembered that Friday passed! LOL. GRRRR

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Quote of the day: "Sometimes the facts in my head get bored and decide to take a walk in my mouth." Scott Westerfeld, So Yesterday, 2004

Song of the day: "Rock the night" Europe

Doc's mother has been moved out of ICU and into a room with an expected release date of Tuesday, please still keep the family in your prayers!

Comcast called on Thursday and said that they will be here between 1-4 on Sunday. Thank God for small miracles! This will enable me to type from bed and that always makes blogging easier for me. Now all I need is one of them writing desks to put on my lap in bed!

I have been working on the Haver Hill home staging course while waiting for fall semester to start. I can't wait!

slowly things are comming together!

prayer lists please

I am not at liberty to say what is going on but if my readers don't mind please add Doc and his family to your prayer list. His mom is in ICU tonight. Thanks and God Bless

Friday, July 24, 2009

I reckon it's true and it came from a good ol boy

The difference between the
North and the South

The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly explained....
The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General . The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses . The North has dating services, the South has family reunions. The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails. The North has double last names; the South has double first names. The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races . North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits. The North has green salads, the South has collard greens . The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish . The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt . FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .. .... In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store..... Do not buy food at this store. Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive. Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?' Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it. Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper ... Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there. Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim. In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway. AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners . After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

These classifieds were really in the paper - a smile for your day

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Hubbs knows freakin' everything.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgecicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to the Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming.."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape!

a few jokes

A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where didmy intelligence come from?' The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---'Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and thenI'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.' 'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -----Two reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 1. The DNA all matches. 2. There are no dental records.------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.------------ --------- --------- ----- Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun!What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'------------ --------- --------- ----- Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'Joe:'Really?' Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in Hell.' ------------ --------- --------- -----A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,' asked the nurse. 'Oops!'------------ --------- --------- -----While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since Ihad even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked.'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get a bikini,' he replied.'You'd never get it all in one.' He's still in intensive care.------------ --------- --------- -----The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she'sthere' .

Monday, July 20, 2009

A Man's favorite joke for the day: "Two women were sitting together quietly."

Song of the day: "Party in my Pants" - unknown

Quote of the day: "Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life" Confuscius

Thursday, July 16, 2009

a day in he life of the doctors

IWas scrubbing the tub and felt like I was being watched. I turned and looked and both the girls were standing there naked. Lucy said, "is it bathtime?" I went ahead and let them have their bath and wondered why they couldn't have asked a few minutes earlier.

I changed the kitty litter box and the kittens ran right in and crapped.

Giving up I decided on a beer and went to bed when the kids did!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Joke of the day from Mrs. L
Canadian Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery.

It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may

benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

Just thought you'd like to know?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

just tid-bits

Joke of the day submitted by Reel Wm Fish:
Boat First Moron

Today did not start out as a good day. Song of the day and quote of the day at the end of the blog. Even though it started out as a bad day with me yelling (a lot) at the kids, it did turn out quite well. The kids did very good (after Doc left for work) and we had a peaceful after we went to the store. I guess they just had a case of cabin fever! LOL. I think I will try to find the local park tomorrow and take them out while Doc is sleeping.

On July 4th, Casey Kasem announced that it was his last countdown. This sparked a certain memory for me. When I was in 9th grade, we lived in Coeymans, NY. It was an OK area. Across the street was a girl I wanted to be friends with but she thought she out classed me. Well, ok, maybe not but we were never great friends. We were OK friends.

This was the year when the "Pet Shop Boys" were in the top ten (OUCH). I was listening to the countdown (like a good teenager) on a Saturday A.M., anyway, he announced the winner was Ronelle. The girl across the street. I went across the street and congradulated her. I asked her if I could see the album when it came (he was suppose to sign a copy of that weeks recording and send her a CD - wow- a CD... imagine that) and she told me no. I was dumbfounded. Really? A lot of kids at our school didn't know what CD's were and less had ever seen one. Here she was getting a free one and wouldn't even let me see it.

CD's were not new to me at that point. I had a "boom box" with a CD player in it and had a Bruce Springsteen CD. My CD cherry popper. LOL. Wow. Can you remember your first CD?

Also in the news this week is about CD's. CD production is on it's way out and Big Box music stores are shutting down. They are being replaced by digital downloads. Wow. Really? I plan to keep purchasing CD's. How about you?

As far as purchasing goes; I bought a notebook today at the Dollar store! I am going to start working on my writing on the side. Seeing we don't have a great connection at the house right now. I heard back from Comcast yesterday and they said that we should have our house wired by August 6th. WOOOOHOOOO. Please bear with us! I promise when I can move faster than a megabite an hour, I will get to your blogs and hopefully catch up on reading and posting. LOL. As far as pictures go... you will have to wait. I can upload pic's from the internet but loading a pic to the net takes forever!

And that is about all I got for tonight.

Song of the day: "Mary had a little lamb" submitted by LuLu

Quote of the day: " I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling." Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Going to be a good day

Song of the day: "Wolf and Man" Metalica

Quote of the day: "In every power, of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes." Jane Austen (1775-1817)

Today is going to be a great day. I have felt like crap for most of the week. And I have been a grumpy old bitch because of it. LOL. Lucy has also been sick for most of the week. I started to feel better last night and then relapsed. I fell asleep on the couch for an hour or so and woke up with just a slight headache but feeling great. I wandered off to take my shower before bed and felt even better. I even joked around with Doc VIA text messy for awhile. I am sure he appriciated me feeling better!

Doc brought me home 4 tomatoe plants! WOoohooOooo. Can you smell that fresh sauce just a cooking away? You know it baby!

After we go to the store and get stuff for dinner tonight (and get it ready to cook) (and after I make the zuccani bread), then I am going to put the second coat of paint in the girls room. That will be a challange with the kids and animals running around.

I am thinking spag and meatballs tonight for dinner. LOL. We had Chix parm last night and I have sauce and noodles left over. A lot of noodles. LOL. I had to cook the entire box of noodles because I accidently DROPPED the dang box into the boiling water! Silly me. So, I figured if I cooked up some meatballs and sliced up the sausage, then hey, we will make great use of leftovers, eth? Or am I just being lazy. I could just freeze the sauce and make soemthing else, lol, but ... but... what? Shep Pie? That sounds good!

All the ambition in the world (in my mind) and I am not getting anything done.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Product review time

The following two pictures were shot last night. As you can see, I am under the blanket somewhere, and the kittens are BRAVELY attempting to find me as they think I am asleep. I took the pictures with my cell phone. ;) I am using Doc's computer so, I have not downloaded the images from the camera yet. I will most likely have to do a photo montage when I get around to doing it.

Song of the day: "Cornflake Girl" Tori Amos

Quote of the day: "People will buy anything that is one to a customer." Sinclair Lewis, US novelist (1885-1951)
The first product review comes to us from, "They gave us a republic". Please endure reading in full this authors letter to a general manager about a product.

"Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife kills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI,unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always. . .

Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX"

Next on the list is awsome Cheeseburgers from the home grill or frying pan. The name of the spice is "Gourmet Burger" and it is by Weber. ( the link goes to the product description at Sam's club, sorry the best I could do, I bought it at Walmart). Now, we tried this spice over the holiday and it was great. The burgers tasted a lot like the ones from Red Robin. Kept them juicy and gave them a little bite and a lot of flavor. I really liked it. Doc liked it. The kids liked it.

There was something else but I can't remember what it was. Sorry.

Edit - other product review. Pit killer.

I have been using the Dove , clinical strength, the one with the green label. Recently I picked up the one with the orange/yellow label by accident. I love the way it smells! Even when you get up in the morning... LOL... it still smells great!

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Sunday, July 05, 2009

life on earth

Joke of the day from Kim @ Mafia Wars
"2 Dyslexic bank robbers attempted to rob the local bank today. They ran in and said " Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fu*k up!"

Song of the day: "Take me out to the ball game" 7th inning stretch theme song.

Quote of the day: "The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane." Mark Twain

I had some really witty things to say tonight. I have been reading that book again. So bugged out are my thoughts on it that I came up with a perfect story for a book. Ok I drempt an idea last night but I pondered and played with the idea in my head all day. I wish I had a college ruled notebook to scratch down some thoughts on. Yea, yea, I got the voice recorder and the computer, but I need pen to paper to map things. Ya know? I am an old fashioned writer like that.

But I am off to bed. Kids are sleeping. Lulu finally stopped puking and I have tooth picks holding my eyes open! I promise, tomorrow, I will get the cat blogging picture up. It is cute. They are cleaning each other in it.

July 5th

Quote of the day: "Mustard's no good without roast beef." Chico Marx (1891-1961) US Comedian with the Marx's Brothers.

Song of the day: "There'll Be Sad Songs (to Make you Cry)" Billy Ocean

Quizz-a-licious I missed 7, 19, 20 : (

I can't find the remote.

Joke of the day submitted by Molly's daddy:

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting:
30% of women think their ass is too fat............
10% of women think their ass is too skinny.......

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy 4th!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

North Korea

I say we nuke the crap out of North Korea.
and normally I keep my opinnion to myself
but their leader has gone to far.

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Friday, July 03, 2009

Duck Soup

Song of the day: "A little Help from my friends?" Joe Cocker

Quote of the day (This one is for Jan) : "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. " Ralph Waldo Emerson; US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)

Cat Blogging - I will insert a picture when I get time to take one

Joke of the day - From Reel Wm Fish. Fish On! -
Finally, after 40 years, someone has opened the vault and revealed the answer to a question that has clawed at our brains since the 1969 Woodstock album was released: What the hell were the lyrics to Joe Cocker's version of "A Little Help From My Friends?"He was so wigged-out and loopy on a multitude of drugs, no one has been able to understand his jarbled, mush-mouth version...until now!Click link below for the lyrics .. FINALLY IT'S CRYSTAL CLEAR!

I did the "What type of Butt do you have" over at facebook. It was horrible. Worse then the boiled fish thing from Doc's blog! It basically told me to put surrender the cheeseburger and workout. Only it used graphic pictures and had a two paragraph story that went with it.

I am slightly addicted to face book. Funny because I never really liked it all that much BEFORE I got into playing Mafia Wars. LOL. GRRR.

I should take a picture of the kittens now, they are sleeping. Lulu is not sleeping and that is why I am up. I can't hardly keep my eyes OPEN. Urrgh.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Urm, well... um... what can I say

What would you taste like to a cannibal?

Created by Recipe Star

Hollar out

GO see Hammer for some funny cat blogging!


Not Fair

Quote of the day: "Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore." Ogden Nash US humorist & poet (1902 - 1971)

One more Quote of the day: "What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to." Hansell B. Duckett

Song of the day: "Surfin USA" Beach Boys

I have been duped. I have waited in angst for the perfect moment to snatch a book off of Doc's book shelf. It is called, "Republican like me" by Harmon Leon. Ummm hmm. It was going to be my WMD. Yes indeedy. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why a die hard democrat had a book by a republican. Was he trying to infiltrate the republican line? Was he (Doc that is) thinking about crossing over? I was so intriqued. SO, I did it. Yep. And I read the prelouge ... something I don't do on a regular basis... well OK, I never read the crap before chapter one.

THE BOOK IS ABOUT A DEMOCRAT PRETENDING TO BE A REPUBLICAN. Can you believe that someone would stoop that low?

OK, well, on the other hand, it is very comical and I really like it.

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