Sunday, October 30, 2005

the good the bad the ugly

All right. The Good: Something finally gave. I got an offer at the department of corrections as a CO at the Davisboro prision. WOOHOO.
The Bad: I told Tony How I feel about him and he said he didnt know if he was really prepared to have a relationship. I said that's fine then I will take care of the other matter. Well when I fessed up to the other matter then everything changed.
The ugly; see prior post.

Saturday, October 29, 2005


any questions?

Sunday, October 23, 2005

smoke break

My aunt and uncle are up from Flordia or is it Florida? Damn, I've never been able to spell that state! Anyway, they don't smoke so if I want to smoke in the house, I have to come out in my room to smoke. Grrr. It's ok. I'll get over it. They came up, not really knowing what this hurricane is gonna do to their area of Fla. From the weather map it looks like it will pass a bit south of their home.

Other news, I am still seeing Tony. Record here, a month? Feels like forever in a good way. And when is too soon to say I love you? I really need to know, because he has had me from the start. He is one of these men that are amazingly smart and simple in the same breath. He holds very intellectual conversations but on the other hand he is not intimidated to talk on subjects he knows nothing about. He does things just for me. Like the first time we got together after he came back he spent an eternity (ok about 20 minutes) kissing my back (one of my faviorte pastimes, kiss my back and I'm yours! or in this case, HIS!) And it is not just sex, but hell; I'm not complaining about that department. Anyway I am head over heels for him and I'm afraid to tell him.

Exactly why am I scared to death to say I Love You? Blaime it on the rain. Blaime it on my mother. Blaime it on every damn person I've ever got close to. I say I love you and people in my life bail. So, for the time being, my lips are sealed. Well, the upper ones anyway. If only there was a way for a man to read the look in my eye, words could just be obsolete.

Friday, October 14, 2005


Buggly wuggley eye look and slightly annoyed eyes fourrowed. First off I would like to state that I hate my job. It is about to make a major interference upon my sudden sex life. I have been called in to work the weekend I was planning on spending my my f**k stick. OK, I meant honey. SIGH

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Ugh Oh um, me

do i have an evening post because I might not blog again for awhile?
welll no not really. Preparing to get some this weekend. Um, no not some blogging. use the imagineration machine. Um no the real thing, not BOB. Whatever.

WORK tomorrow will be soooooo dang long. Himmie is flying in in the morning. SIGH. But I don't get to see him until saturday, HOW UNFAIR is that? ok done bitching.

Fun way to make x-tra cash

Posting this link for CHI but all are welcome to check it out.

6am blogging

UGH need I say more? I let Jeter out this morning and now he is missing. GRRR. Darn dog, If I didn't love him so much then I wouldnt be pissed at him or worried about him. I am sure or at least I hope he is out whoring.

Smoochems called me last night from his vacation. (thump thump) Naturally my mind is scattered brained this morning. OHHHH is it ever. Not a coherent dang thought. Thank Goodness I waitress today, a mindless job for a distracted individual. I can only think about getting some this weekend. Shame on ME!

I work with the cook I mentioned on Sunday. I know she is pissed at me. I went back to work yesterday and she was very cold to me. I plan to just approach her and say, "Chi look, I am sorry about Sunday. I don't expect you to accept my appology but please understand it is sincere." Because it is sincere. And Hindsight, the onions on the omlet could very well have been "left overs" from the grill. Hard to say.

All right then. Time for me to finish getting rugrat ready for school. She loves this school. And it is really working for her. She has become my little motor mouth. She has become INDEPENDENT (grr) and she has become well my MollyMonster;; but don't tell her I said that. She has been making posters of her and Kenny Chesney (eye roll.) In a way I envy other parents. Other parents got to go through the "I hate Barney" stage. Oh no, NOT me, I have had Kenny programed into my dang head, If I never hear "No shoes, No shirt, No Problem" again, it will be to soon. To make it worse when she gets out of the truck and I switch over to the radio... I am almost guaranteed to here Kenny! Georgia Is Kenny Nation I am convinced. It is a conspiracy. They are out to get me.COnvert me from the "I wanna Rock" mentality to the brainwashed Country ways. LOL. Joking.

OK Jeter is back and barking in my window.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

the truth hurts

Although unfair and highly unlikely that any blogger who reads me has ever been on the receiving end of critisim (uth huh) alas; allow it to be said the truth hurts. And the pain comes in all shapes and sizes.

The first pain I thus speak of is personal insecurity. Ahhh ,,, umm,,, well ok,,, uth... my personal insecurities involving the topic of love. Errr more shall I say my inconclusive adapation to the mere fact that there is a difference between love and lust and exactially where in the fuck do I draw that fine line? Or is there a line at all. I kinda believe that you can love someone and lust for them at the same time, however I don't feel that is a very healthy relationship. OK, where am I going with this. I have been seeing a man for a few weeks. I really really like him oh... um... and he is hands down the best lover I've ever had. (BLUSH). ok... (CRIMISION). He is on vacation this week. No, not from me, this was a planned vacation that just happened to intrupt our litter interlude down a path I am not very good at. No wait, that didn't come out right, I'm fucking awsome in bed... I am just not good at declaring I love someone. And really I'm not, every damn time I say I love you that person bails. Friends, family, lovers... etc, you get th picture, I'm fucking parinoid to allow myself that security to ease my insecurity of love. ok major run on sentence. BUT... ok the little head fuck for the Lucymeiser... he called me from the airport (thump thump) and at the end of our conversation (cut short by sheer caos at my end) I swear I heard him say those three little words (um.. i love you not Lucy's Caotic Life). BUT... how do you ask someone to repeat what may be mounmential to a relationship?

Moving forward. I may have gotten fired from my little job on Saturday. I had ordered breakfast from the resturant (I was working on the truckstop side not the waitress side) and my omlet was done wrong, I was complaing but I was not going to a) send it back nor was I going to b) eat it. Well the mgr's daughter came over and brought me a different one because someone told her I threw it away. I was like... oh um, thank you... and took a bite and it was soggy and full of fucking onions. So, I didn't say a word and threw it away when she left. i went over to the coffee pot got a coffee and resumed working. A driver asked me why I threw it away and I stated I would rather throw away six bucks then complain when they had already cooked me a second one I didn't ask for. And that I really didn't want to complain because I adored working with that cook and maybe she was having a bad day, obviously mine was not starting out well. SO, the mgr's daughter came over running her mouth telling me that I was nothing but a trouble maker. WHATEVER. then about an hour later my blood pressure started to fuck with me.

Rewind about the bloodpressure. The doc had changed my medicine and told me until my body regulates to it I might feel light headed etc... Light headed???? That is the closeest I think I've ever come to flat passing out. Lightedaded yea, tunnelvision, yes, ringing in my ears yes and ... ok the strange part... salvatinging. So I asked Monica (mgr's daughter) if I could go home and explained to her what happeded. I know she thought it had to do with the breakfast thing. I just got that feeling when I called work later and talked to Barb (the manager) who informed me that she was not going to schedule me until the doctor go my medicine straigh. Ceeee Uou Nexxt Tuesday ... acronem ... well u get it.

Sunday, October 02, 2005


every now and again; I dare to review my life and go WTF. (whatthefuck for the internet illeraterate).
These last two weeks have been hell. Molly was expelled from school for the remainder of the school year. Yes. My darling six year old has been expelled. Ok. Lets exploit this.
a) she was repeadidly abused by another six year old and then PUNISHED by him (he stabbed her three times in the had for telling on him ). After repeated attempts by me to get school officals to seperate the two children (um I asked 7 times either the school super, the teacher, the counsler etc) I called the state dept of education. They refer me to the civil liberties union. I file a complaint and then follow their directions which are....
go to the police dept and press charges on the other six year old child, this will force the school to seperate the two children.
I had to do an immoral thing such as press charges on a child. FUCKERS.
ok. So, I do this. And then there are suddenly two complaints at the school where I accousted a teacher and this said childs parent.....
...drums fingers....
me...? I did what? and a complete innocent look. I did no such thing, although it is not below me to do a such thing, I didn't accoust shit.
... then... the double wammie.... they expell Molly from school.....
Have I mentioned in this blog at some point that I hate school?

Saturday, October 01, 2005


I need some damn sleep so exhausted

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