the truth hurts

Although unfair and highly unlikely that any blogger who reads me has ever been on the receiving end of critisim (uth huh) alas; allow it to be said the truth hurts. And the pain comes in all shapes and sizes.

The first pain I thus speak of is personal insecurity. Ahhh ,,, umm,,, well ok,,, uth... my personal insecurities involving the topic of love. Errr more shall I say my inconclusive adapation to the mere fact that there is a difference between love and lust and exactially where in the fuck do I draw that fine line? Or is there a line at all. I kinda believe that you can love someone and lust for them at the same time, however I don't feel that is a very healthy relationship. OK, where am I going with this. I have been seeing a man for a few weeks. I really really like him oh... um... and he is hands down the best lover I've ever had. (BLUSH). ok... (CRIMISION). He is on vacation this week. No, not from me, this was a planned vacation that just happened to intrupt our litter interlude down a path I am not very good at. No wait, that didn't come out right, I'm fucking awsome in bed... I am just not good at declaring I love someone. And really I'm not, every damn time I say I love you that person bails. Friends, family, lovers... etc, you get th picture, I'm fucking parinoid to allow myself that security to ease my insecurity of love. ok major run on sentence. BUT... ok the little head fuck for the Lucymeiser... he called me from the airport (thump thump) and at the end of our conversation (cut short by sheer caos at my end) I swear I heard him say those three little words (um.. i love you not Lucy's Caotic Life). BUT... how do you ask someone to repeat what may be mounmential to a relationship?

Moving forward. I may have gotten fired from my little job on Saturday. I had ordered breakfast from the resturant (I was working on the truckstop side not the waitress side) and my omlet was done wrong, I was complaing but I was not going to a) send it back nor was I going to b) eat it. Well the mgr's daughter came over and brought me a different one because someone told her I threw it away. I was like... oh um, thank you... and took a bite and it was soggy and full of fucking onions. So, I didn't say a word and threw it away when she left. i went over to the coffee pot got a coffee and resumed working. A driver asked me why I threw it away and I stated I would rather throw away six bucks then complain when they had already cooked me a second one I didn't ask for. And that I really didn't want to complain because I adored working with that cook and maybe she was having a bad day, obviously mine was not starting out well. SO, the mgr's daughter came over running her mouth telling me that I was nothing but a trouble maker. WHATEVER. then about an hour later my blood pressure started to fuck with me.

Rewind about the bloodpressure. The doc had changed my medicine and told me until my body regulates to it I might feel light headed etc... Light headed???? That is the closeest I think I've ever come to flat passing out. Lightedaded yea, tunnelvision, yes, ringing in my ears yes and ... ok the strange part... salvatinging. So I asked Monica (mgr's daughter) if I could go home and explained to her what happeded. I know she thought it had to do with the breakfast thing. I just got that feeling when I called work later and talked to Barb (the manager) who informed me that she was not going to schedule me until the doctor go my medicine straigh. Ceeee Uou Nexxt Tuesday ... acronem ... well u get it.