knock the wind out of my sails and call me jane

Song of the day: "Cruel to be Kind" Nick Lowe

Quote of the day: "My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular." Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., Speech in Detroit, October 7, 1952. US diplomat and Democratic Politician (1900-1965)

Today sucked. 4 exams. I did all right. I passed 3 of them and bombed one. The one I bombed I've already passed the class another semester so I am not to worried about it (I just wanted a better grade) SIGH, so my GPA went down the shitter on that one. OH WELL. Better then bombing 3 and passing one. LOL.

I am E X H A U S T E D. I didn't realize that taking exams would tax your brain the way mine feels right now. But even my eyes are gritty.

Let me tell you about the statistic exam though. We skipped chapter 10 because the building our class is in had to be evacuated at the start of class last week. Today he covered chapter 11. Then fifteen minutes after class the graduating students had to take their finals. BOTH chapters were on the final. Was that fair? I know, life is not fair, deal with it.

Today was the offical bug out day. I had people calling my house and emailing me just all buggy about the exams. Oh and text messaging me. People who have snubbed me all semester. Or have I snubbed them? Don't matter. All I care is that Philly and I survived today. That's it, everyone else can go piss in the statistic teachers hat! HA.

My government teacher has said before, "I firmly believe there is a place reserved in Hell for some teachers..." and you know what? My government teacher is my new hero after today. HA. Quit laughing Philly. I stand behind that remark of Carter's! And you know who I want to see my first day in hell? Mr Blackburn. I want to sit next to him and torture the SOB through eternity. OK, well Hell is a harsh word. But I do like the way Carter said that.

Ameri Govi tomorrow. WOoohOOoo.

I don't think I am going to walk at graduation. I have to stop by the registrar's office tomorrow and see how I get out of walking. After today I am burnt out and I just don't want to. I was going to walk to be there for Philly but really... I am proud of her! She is so cool and so positive and so optimistic and without her I would not have survived today! And the only reason I was going to walk at graduation was so I could cheer her on. But I am burnt out. I don't want to walk at graduation. I don't want to be nice to the people who I have to on graduation day. That and if Blackburn is there I might just cuss him in front of everyone!

What to do? Don't walk Jenn. No need to cuss him.

OK, off to bed. I am hittingthe backspance more then the right letters.
NIGHTERS.

Safe and Sound

Song of the day: "Caravan" Van Morrison

Quote of the day: "Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand." Baruch Spinoza - Dutch Jewish Philosopher (1632-1677)

Doc and I decided to take advantage of my spring break. I have a potential blog on my tape recorder but it is out in the car and I am sitting my lazy butt on the couch with the lap top as I wait for him to get done preening himself.

I got in yesterday morning. I really don't look forward to leaving. I am very happy and very content and Pole Hill is very nice. I took some pictures and when I get around to getting to the car to get my adapter for the camera card, I will upload a view thru my eyes from Pole Hill.

I am so pleased I came up here. I can't explain the satisfaction and happiness that fills my heart being here. I did not come online to meet people (originally) I came online to be able to have a connection my my BFF Nypinta. Instead of having the worlds best friendship online with my best friend from High School, I found the blog world and some really great internet friends and that filled a really big void I didn't know I had. Then I met Doc and I was drawn to him. I don't know why. I am not going to pretend to understand the world of Karma et al. LOL. I am however pleased that I went with my gut instinct and not my fear of the unknown. I am glad I came online and I am even more pleased with the blog-a-verse.

I am off to convince DOC to get his butt ready to go, I am HUNGRY and I want to EAT and despite what he thinks, he is not going to starve fat girl any longer!

Remembering 2008

Quote of the day: "What sound does a one handed clap make?" Zen

Song of the day: "Let it Be" The Beetles ( I don't know, it's been in my head all day… On a Beetles kick, I guess)

Second song of the day: "Two Suns in the Sunset" Pink Floyd (talk about the Ying Yang of music going through my head!)

 

It is a new year and I can honestly say that I am so Happy that 2008 is over. It has been by far the worst year I can remember. I take that back. There were some good moments. New people met, laughs shared, and a feeling of belonging. But it is hard to see the good though all the bad.

Let us look at the good first. I met my second semester back at school with open eyes instead of the grudge I had been sporting the previous semester. I met Philly. Philly, Mal, and I shared a few really good laughs. Nothing will take the cake over the Down syndrome lunch. We laughed so hard at my insecurities that Mal developed one! (My eye lashes are blonde and when I don't have make up on, I feel like I LOOK like I have Down Syndrome.) And I am not picking fun at people that do have this disease. It is just how I feel like I look!

In December I met one of Molly's friends and her family. Ever meet someone and you just click? That is how I feel about that family. It is like, everyone in it I like and I feel like they like me too. Or at least I hope they do! LOL.

I spoke to my mother a number of times this year and realized that I still love her (despite the horrible 8 year gap in our relationship), and that she is my mom, and that her opinion really counts a lot. I have enjoyed getting reunited with the NY branch of my life.

I got reunited with Blogger and began to blog on a regular basis. Through doing this I have met a new circle of blogging buddies and I cherish the precious moments of mommy time free time when I get to read their blogs and post comments. I do often fear that my comments will not come across as funny, and generally that is my goal, to present a cute comment to a great post. Sometimes I am serious; I reckon it is just the context of the blog. But through blogger I have been able to let go of some of my inhibitions of people in general and branch out to a league of people I didn't know I fit into. Like take for instance, Fermicat and her Cat Blogging. How clever and creative is that? It reminds me of the years of fun I've had with cats (over the decades) and how much I miss owing an indoor cat. Or over at Pole Hill Sanitarium, you will find a fantastic montage of music post. Did you know that I started my writing career sounding off at Tipper Gore and her censorship? I just adore having stumbled across Doc and his treasures! I found the Complaints Department and get a genuine laugh over there on a regular basis. CDM, I hope everything is working out for you. Then there is WoW. Need I say more! The woman is a peach! A true find. You all are. I adore the group I am currently in on blogger.

So, long and short, friendship wise (in person or on Blogger) I have been blessed.

Then onto the bad; it has been a year of loss. Loss on a threshold I cannot conceive. I am sure that at some point it is all going to come crashing down and I will be in a corner somewhere rocking and crying frantically. LOL, I hope not. My other Dad passed this year. I was taken aback by the loss of Tom. I mean, I have been out of NY for ten years and probably out of touch with him longer, but it still hurt. He was the dad I never had in High School. Uncle Bill died this year. That was a brilliant mind gone to ashes. I can't believe it. I lost my best friend of 10 years. Loosing Jeter broke my heart. It still does, I cry now as I write that. Hell, I cried when I saw the Red Sox's commercial with Derrick Jeter in it. He was my doggies' namesake. Sue's dog, Peanut, was put down the same day as Jeter. Then we lost the hose Misty. Then Harry's dad, Gilbert; you know a lot of people didn't like Gilbert. He was hard to handle. But I liked him. I have my reasons. Lastly we lost Uncle George; my dear Uncle George. I know people die but I think this year that my family has had more than its fair share.

But life will go on (and on and on ) and the bad days seem like they last forever, until a worse bad day comes along to replace it. We are human and we fail to see the good days as nothing more than a passage of time. My blogger New Year's Resolution… TO post more of the good days, that way they don't slip into a desolate place called history.

God Bless you my Blogging friends, my family, my worst enemies. May your New Year be enlightened.

January 1, 2009 (I had to type it up, SORRY)