Signing Off

Song of the day: "Hello... Goodbye..." The Beatles

Quote of the day: "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

I just want to share a few insecurities... We all have them and share from time to time. My big one is my parenting skills. I try at times but I am not always good at it. Honestly, sometimes I flat out suck. My other insecurity is relationships.

This is a hello goodbye post.

The 'Goodbye' factor is that I will be leaving blogland for an undisclosed amount of time that may be forever. HOWEVER, I do expect you to check my blog periodically because I might just throw a cat blog or picture up. But for this, (the leaving part)I am sorry. I have met some really great people here. You are the same people that have got me through some really big potholes in my life. The current pothole is larger than life and I can't be here. I do not admit defeat easily. I admit it now.

The 'Hello' factor is that I want you to know Doc for who he is and not for whom he thinks he is. He is a really great man. He plays nice with kids. He is the best friend a person could ask for. He is the best boyfriend a person could ask for. He is a fantastic lover. He is a good God fearing man. He has a few hang up's. We all do. But I want my fellow bloggers and bloggettes to know he is genuine and good.

In other news. Mandy is flaking off at school and that is something that has to be addressed and that we are addressing on a regular basis. She has hit 'Tweenie' full force. There appears to be no winning with her. She is failing things that she knows with her eyes closed, she is ... we won't go there.

I have been rung through the ringer with Lulu these last few weeks. I think I am starting to get how to be smarter than a 3 year old! I am not happy with the course of progress communicating with her has taken. I am disappointed in my actions as a parent (no I haven't beat her or anything, not to worry, I am not a great parent but I am not a horrible one either!). I just am not comfortable with this alternative parenting technique. It is now time to switch gears and try another parenting technique.

Doc suggested (a few months ago) that I take time off of school until Lucy hits kindergarten and then I try again. I did not really agree with that at first. Doc is right about a lot of things and I agree with him on this (in a resentful way). The nice thing is that I do not have to prove myself to Doc. He knows that I am capable of finishing my education and going on with the things we have talked about and that someday everything will get straight and that I will get there.

I am disappointed in myself for letting things go this route. I am disappointed that he didn't think I could do it. But I have realized (after I cried and bitched and GRUMBLED a little. No wait, I was near impossible to live with. ) that I can't do it all. I can't be the full time mom, the full time girlfriend, and the full time student. That is like shitting a miracle pulling teeth from a rabid raccoon.

What I don't like is how I feel inside. I failed myself. I have always been able to do it. I have always been able to do it all for everyone and still manage to take care of me and my needs. This go around it is different. I am frail. I am human. I can't do it all. I can only do my school and feel good about me if I relinquish control to others. This is an incredible realization (on top of the other crap with the kids who are my heart and ultimately what this is about) for me. Doc told me that. He pointed out the 'control freak' factor and I bucked what he said. Well, in the confrontation but the reality is that I have thought long and hard about it.

Again he is right. For a long time I have had to do it all. This goes back to when I was a teenager and raising an alcoholic mother. I was forced into a life of control and setting limitations for other people. But you want to know the truth? I don't even want to balance my own check book. He didn't say I needed to drop my responsibilities (just to qualify that, lol, I have to balance my check book) just that I needed to let the reins loose on things. And I got really insecure.

The other thing I do not do is being repeatedly lied to. Once you get over a lie and move on and open your heart to trust again, you really do not expect to experience it again less than 24 hours later. And again a month later and so on and so forth. I will not tolerate it from my kids, my friends, my family, or from Doc. I have ended more friendships (and cut family out of my world) from lies then I can count. I don't think it is unreasonable to not tolerate lies and deceit.

I don't like to be repeatedly lied to and have things hidden from me. I never have and I never will. I have found a side of me with Doc that I don't like. I am a jealous and selfish person. I don't like other women emailing him. I don't like that he gets right on the computer and checks all the women bloggers first (with the exception of Jeni, Fermi, Nat, Debo, and Kathleen - I don't mind you ladies) and comments to your blogs before he even speaks to me. You are who his relationship is with and not me. And I hate that more than anything. I hate that I insisted that he embrace the 21st century and get a great new computer because all it causes me now is grief. I am more important that the internet, I LIVE HERE DAMNIT. End of Story.

So, bear with me. I have a family to repair. I have wonderful relationship to build and grow from and with, maybe. My I have my own shallowness to address. I have a three year old to reprogram. I have a tween to kick her head out of her ass try to keep on track... Realizing you never grew up when your 37 is a real bitch. But realizing it is the big part of the battle.

This is real and this is life and I am happy I woke up this morning and took a deep breath. I think I just exhaled.

My how they grow

What does this image say to you?

Let's screw with our cats

LOL... I have found a testing site to figure out how smart your cats are. Fermi ... Nat... Kat... Jan... Jeni...Kelly (there is one for dogs too)... let me know your results.

Cat Blogging

Smart Cats with MBA's

This is an article in Today's paper the Tennessean. The Author must really think that human cat owners are stupid or at least would see the joke in this. To read the full Article click here.

Hmmm Really? We read the article for the cats and asked them to vote. This is what the 3 cat jury thinks of Ms Linda's article....

were i a warning label

This should be interesting, please participate! (and if you reply please post it to your facebook, twitter, or blog! not required but fun!)

If you were to put a warning label on me; what would it say?

blonde gets payback

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I
want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of
headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of
crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then
spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

I LOVE THIS ONE............
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards,
you might as well gas up!"

FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!

Conjugate this

OKEE DOKEE people out there smarter than I...

We were watching Keith Olbermann on MSNBC and he was reading a quote made about some lady politician and her lack of apology. The quote read, "...the lack there of a sorry or any conjugation of the verb..." UMmmm... OK... HOW in the HECK do you conjugate SORRY?

Happy Veterans Day

Having fun with the Media

Go Grow your own Penis and then you can have babies. The rabbits did. LMAO.

Caption This

Shawls

I would like to see shawls come back into fashion. A woman at the church had one on on Sunday and it looked so nice. (the blog link is not her blog, just one I came across,)

update on kitties

Cats surgery was an expensive success. Shasta is hiding under our bed and Alvin is just now starting to move around. Phineas (who knows they are home) keeps walking around calling them but he cant find them!

Funny ... when you first had sexual interests

Give it a Caption

My Reedeamer Lives - Team Hoyt

This actually made me cry. Enjoy.

The Story

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?'
The father who, despite having a heart condition said 'yes.' They went
on to complete the marathon together.

Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying
'yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.

One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Ironman
together.' To which, his father said 'yes' too.

For those who don't know, the Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever. The
race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile (3.86 kilometers)
ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile (180.2 kilometers) bike ride, and
ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometers) marathon along the coast of
the Big Island .

The father and son went on to complete the race together.

NOW WATCH THIS VIDEO and view this race:

Me being an ASS

Facebook is an act of floccinaucinihilipilification.

After you look that word up, you might be pleased to know it is the 5th longest word in English.

I have done my good deed for the day.

Friday Cat Blogging on Saturday

No picture today. Just a little story from yesterday morning.

You have all been hearing that I think that the new kitten Phineas is slightly retarded. Doc (being the good daddy he is) defends him and says he is just a kitten. Well, for the last week... Phineas has been really goofy when I get in the shower. He will stand in the back corner by the wall, his little white paws on the lip of the tub and look in.

This is where I get my silly on. Has anyone seen Shrek 2? OK, know how Puss makes them big eyes and lays his ears flat?

OK, now you got the image in your mind, just paint it white! Anyway, Phineas would peer into the shower like that. If I made eye contact with him, he would look at me with his ears up like he was thinking..."Have you lost your MIND?"

So, yesterday morning it got the best of him. He jumped in the shower with me. Initially (because of all the fur, I think) he did not spaz out. He roamed over to me and rubbed on my leg. I yelled for Doc. He made an under breath comment about shutting the bathroom door was a good way to prevent these things... Then...

The cat realized that there was something wrong. He looked up at me with a squint and accused me of a great wrong doing. He then HISSED and backed up. He tried to jump out and got stuck between the liner and shower curtain, with wet hands I assisted him on the exit.

Needless to say...He was very insulted! For the amount of time we were home yesterday he would look at me with a very pitiful look... like I had something to do with his soaking!

On Monday Alvin and Shasta go to get their sex parts removed. On Wednesday Phineas goes to get his "What are these things growing" removed. They will also be getting their claws removed (per Doc's request that his anatomy not be used as a cat toy). Hee Hee.

learn to knit

Kick off of NaMoWriMo

November 1 was the kick off for NaNoWriMo . This is where the Einstein writers decide to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. Yea, right? The nitty gritty is they have some neat stuff there and they work with kids.

They are having some problems with the site so you might need to try it a few times to get in.

I was going to do this last year but decided that I was not insane enough to attempt. However, I am going to try to find my NaNo Wigit.

On a lighter note...

We trick or treated with President Obama

Daddy came to visit

Amanda's daddy came to visit. This is her and
her father taking in a nice afternoon.

There will be damage control with Amanda over the next few days. There always is.

Also, he called about 8pm and informed me that his sister was taking his mother to the hospital because she was showing signs of congested heart failure. His mother has been suffering from Altizmers disease for about 4 years and this is the first major complication. She does have a DNR so I wonder what they will do to help her.

General question... If she should pass I think the right thing to do is to send flowers from Amanda and a card. Because Brian and I never married I do not feel like we should go up there. Is this proper etiquette?