TICK WARNING VIP

TICK WARNING! IMPORTANT!

I hate it when people post email warnings, but this one is real. If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT! THIS IS A SCAM! They only want to see you naked.......

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid

Bunches to say

First
Joke of the day, from Reel Wm Fish

"I recently asked my friend's little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be president some day.

Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were president what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."Her parents beamed.

"Wow... what a worthy goal." I told her, "But you don't have to wait until you're president to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where homeless guys hang out, and you can give them the $50, you earned, to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents still aren't speaking to me."

However, I say (in good faith) that it is a joke, but with RWF it is hard to say, this might have actually happened!

Second - I heard this song on the XM kids radio station. I had to look it up to see IF it was a real word and if it was scrabble usable. Unfortunatly for me, it is a real, word and I am not fond of the meaning. LOL. Here goes:

qat - (noun) the leaves of the shrub Catha edulis which are chewed like tobacco or used to make tea; has the effect of a euphoric stimulant; "in Yemen kat is used daily by 85% of adults"

Song of the day, "People are Crazy" Billy Currington - I have finally heard a country song that means something! I love this song. I heard it today and if nothing else, click that link and check out the lyrics! I got a grin on hearing it eariler but missed the end of it. When I read the lyrics a minute ago, it is kind of sad, but still a cute song from a Hottie!

Quote of the day, "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world." C. S. Lewis on Mere Christianity. (1898 - 1963)

Friday cat blogging on Sunday:
What's for dinner?


Because CDM is wayward
Here is one for him. LOL. A free Coupon!
Trojan
On to the Blog

I cleared all of that stuff out of my catche and forgot what I was going to say. HA.

I read in the news that Billy Mays died today. My goodness, so many people are dying all the sidden, I don't know if I will ever get to posting my two cents on them. For those that don't know, Billy Mays is the obnoxious guy that does the Oxi-Clean commercials.

We picked up the children and have spent the weekend with them. I think they are adjusting OK. Lucy has decided that she loves Doc. Doc has decided that he has to set a few rules down. Like... LMFAO... NO Lucy in the bathroom when he is trying to potty, take a shower, and get ready for work. Hee Hee. You should have heard her yesterday. She threw a fit. After we removed Lucy from the bathroom several times I told Doc to just lock the door. This he did, and Lucy pitched a tissy fit. I thought she was going to kick the door down. I don't know what I did now, but I managed to sway her into leaving the door alone! Then she pitched a fit when Doc went to work. Cute or what?

Other than that, it has been uneventful for the kids being here. They both seem to like it and love the kittens. They both drag the poor kittens all over the place. The female kitten, Shasta, is not too crazy about that idea and meow's in protest (A LOT) about it, and the little boy, Alvin the LL-mizer, just goes along with it like he is a dog. But payback is a bitch, Alvin pounced on Lucy in the middle of the night and woke her up and then hid. Little (insert bad word that starts with F and ends with "er"). Which meant I had to stay up with her for a few hours. Grumble grumble bitch bitch.

Molly is doing really good at adjusting. Sue had said that Molly was back to square one with forgetting things. And when we picked her up, she was really flighty and forgetful. She did better yesterday. Today I didn't have a problem at all. She helped with chores (not that I got a lot done because I spent 3 hours on the phone between Sue and Brian). LOL.

I will have pissed off kittens tomorrow. I bought a water bottle today to spray the kittens with when they bother the bird. Swatting at them with the fly swatter don't work and I really don't want to hit them.

I have not had the time to research the stuff on Michael Jackson or on Farrah Fawcet yet. Maybe I will get to that tomorrow. I developed a head ache @ the store today and I am nursing that and just don't feel up to a lot of reading. I am going to stop by and peer at a few blogs but taht is about it.

Joke of the day

8 more long antagonizing days

Quote of the day: "The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it." Alan Saporta



Song of the day: "Happy Together" The Turtles

Oh Fermi... Look what I found by Doc's house


He asked me if I wanted to go in there and I told him no, I wanted to save my money for vacation. LOL. That looks like a "Go broke in a hurry" type of a store. That and I can't help myself when it comes to shoes. Thanks tho for the tip off about the store! Doc remembered and tortured me by going by it at least once a day. That and it is only about five miles from his house.

While in Nashville, I got to see some live entertainment:


and a really cool display outside of a saloon:


And then I came home to find this:

or in zoom


So, now I am back and I have a few conundrums to face. Like who to tell what and how to tell them.

The horses go to the sale on April 1st. I am sad in one way but I am also relieved to know they are going. And best... they are going while I will be on vacation. Harry is going to see to it. We stopped by and saw the guy that does the local horse auction. He is having a ride this weekend and is going to mention my saddlebred (Comanche the black and white one) to a few people. Prices are down and I won't get anywhere near what I have in them but we will see what happens.

Ok now, we have not had a Mrs L's joke of the day in a long time, so here we go!

Black Testicles
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still
heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical
procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet..'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry
about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and
his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's
nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and
says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen
very, very closely......
' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back? '

This will make you cry

Hey all, THIS was in my email box today from Mrs L. I reckon it is about Mr L, I dunno. Try to read it without laughing, hell when you get to the part about the cat... Try to finish reading it without crying. Oh and if you laugh... YOUR JUST DAMN MEAN.

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:



Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000 volt, pocket/purse sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety..... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it dip shit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.'