The wee wee hours of yesterday

First I would like to start by stating that I am not a morning person. I DO like to get up early in the morning but ONLY if I will be up alone and completing some writing tidbit. ANY other reason can wait until I wake up naturally or HAVE to get up to perform specific morning rituals.

So, when the itty bitty Hounds from Hell woke me up at 0'dark 30, I was a little confused, tired, sore… ok well here :

4:06 a.m. 9/11/08 is that puppy barking? What happened to that cute little whine and gerbil noise they make. OMG, I can't open my eyes. OMG, I can't move. I move and put my feet on the floor. I take a step, OMG my feet hurt. OMG my calves burn, WTF Jenn, can't you even walk a half a day in heels anymore, you wimp. Step two, OMFG, it burns in both calves, both thighs and my ass. Five steps later I am in a cold sweat. DANG.

4:10 a,m I finally make it to the puppy box and they are looking at me like, WTF, then they dance around my feet as I strain to make it to the door and let them out.

4:12 a.m. I run, not walk or hobble to the BR, because my bladder woke up when the damp morning air hit me.

4:15 a.m. I am grateful that I thought to set the coffee pot up the night before and push the on button.

4:20 a,m Do I dare try to smoke a cig? I'll wait.

4: 22 a.m I pour a coffee and sit down with a cig at the computer and start the post about total apprehension I am now feeling about taking a test and having the luncheon on the same day.

4:25 a.m. Puppies rumble against the screen door on my room reminding me that they are still out. I get up and let them in. They are happy to see me and step their wet little feet all over mine. I begrudgingly pet them some. With my finger tips, only. General T is cold so I dig out the doggie sweater I got him and put it on him. He looks at me like I beat him with a wet noodle. I set him down and he runs 90 mph in reverse and into the wall. I just kind of look at him like, ETH? Why'd you do that? And I watch him as he circles my 24x16 foot room in reverse as fast as he can. Annie watches too. Not that she tries to aid him or anything, we both just watch. Second lap he is whipping his head side to side and running backwards. I can't help but laugh. I head him off… no wait… rear him off??/, anyway, I catch him, take the sweater off of him and figure he MUST be warm by now. HE looks at me like I did something awful to him, furrows his brow and everything, ears all drooping… I decide to just put him down before he pee's on me or something.

4:31 - T runs into the dog box and lays down with his back to me. Annie is still just sitting there watching him. Heck no, she is not ready to go back into the box. She attacks the holes in the side of the laundry basket. I get the clothes out for the day for the girls and pack the diaper bag. I take out the given that I am going to wear, stockings, shoes, panties and a bra, and a slip just in case.

4:40 am – I take a quick shower. And I mean quick, I never turned the hot water heater back on after the girls had their bath the night before. I had took a shower the night before to, so you know there was about a minute of hot water, enough time to get wet. So, I washed the VIP stuff and my face.

4:43 a.m. wrap in a towel and shiver. Damn, it is suddenly cold in here. I reach down to pick up the dirty clothes and they move. I scream. Annie jumps out of the basket and tries to climb my leg, she don't know what I screamed for but she is getting away from it.

4:45 am, LULU cries. I scowl at the puppy and put her in her box and consol the scared 2 year old. Thank God she falls back asleep. I am an ice cube at this point. I shut the air off in my room and start to try on clothes.

4:50 I realize my coffee cup is empty and get more. Then try on a few more things. I have tried on a dozen things and NOTHING fits or looks right.

5:00 I give up and go to the BR in a sweater and panties. I put on my makeup, do my hair, put on some pit killer, put on a little perfume. I even rub lotion into my skin.

5:20 am I go back to the closet. I decide on a pair of tan slacks that are capri's and a leopard print blouse that has a matching jacket. I add my big diamond ring, a pair of aquamarine earrings with a matching pendant, and a watch. Somewhere in this time frame I decide to put the panty hose on. This would have been comical to anyone, especially a man. See a few many years ago they came up with these things called thigh highs and they had elastic in them so you DID not have to wear a garter. And see, I've put on a lot of weight sense I had Lulu so they don't make them to fit us MOOOMOO girls. SOOOO MAYBE pantyhose have always been hard to put on, I just didn't realize it because I didn't wear them and I've forgotten because I only wore them for a few years and that was more then 20 years ago. Having said that in MY defense, I spent about twenty minutes trying to put the panty hose on. I'd get one foot in and then not be able to get the other in… I couldn't bend enough to get both feet in at the same time and I couldn't' stretch them enough … anyway… I AM SURE THE SIGHT WAS FUNNY AS HELLO… wake up Jenn and loose some fucking weight.

6:10 am I wake up the girls. Amanda looks at me and asked why I was all pretty today, is there a special occasion? Oh hell, I won't yell at you today but she won't let up, she wants to know if I have a date, a boyfriend, A JOB…. Um no, omg that would mean I'd have to have a life and I got kids and all….I thought that, I didn't say it. I get LULU up and she blinks her eyes a few times, "Mommy Pretty?" Gee thanks, here let me beat you butt just to do it.. I don't SAY that but I sure do think it.

7:45 am I am heading towards my BiO exam and campus police stops me Mr. Durden says : Are you going to that luncheon or something, your hair is done all pretty. Awww shucks, maybe your not such a bad guy after all Me: Yea, hey, thanks for noticing.

8:00 The Bio teacher smiles at me and voices his generous opinion on my choice of clothes, and hair all being done. I thank him. It was kind of him to notice.

8:05 diabolically the hardest BIO test I've ever taken.

9:02 a.m I hand it in, I realize that there are only two people left taking the exam. The President of the school (my BIO teacher because of the 8% budget cut the college got from the state of Georgia) looks at me and whispers, I hope you got a hundred, it took you long enough.

So, I got a lot of compliments throughout the day. I said to Malory when we were walking out to our cars after out last class:

Mal, do I look like shit on a regular basis? I mean I shower daily sometimes twice, I put on clean clothes and I do do my make up most of the time.

Mal: well, you never do anything with your hair just pull it back. You don't look back on a regular basis but you always wear jeans or sweats, or those odd Capri pants.

Me: Ok, well thanks for your honesty.

Me to self: I am not in a beauty pageant, there is no reason to do my hair every day, there is no reason to dress up everyday, there is no reason to wear more then mascara on a regular basis… and damned if I am wearing heels again.