Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."

Some of these new toys are so creative and inventive. This year they have a Neurotic Doll. It's wound up already.
I bought my friend some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift-wrap counter and told them to wrap it, but in different paper, so he'd know when to stop unwrapping.
When I was young we were poor. We didn't have a Christmas tree, we had a Christmas stump.
When I was a kid our Christmases were very poor. We couldn't afford tinsel. We had to wait for grandpa to sneeze.
Christmas is a time when people get emotional over family ties, particularly if they have to wear them.
I remember my dad was chopping in a toy store. He said, "That's a terrific train set. I'll buy it."
The Clerk said, "Great, I'm sure your son will love it."
Dad said, "Maybe you're right. I'll take two."
They say that Santa comes but once a year. I can't understand that, considering all the bedrooms he visits.
Q: What do you get if you cross Raquel Welch and Santa Claus?A: A thank you card from Santa.
Q: Why does Santa wear pink underwear?A: He's a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.
It was so cold on Christmas Eve at the North Pole that Santa had to jump-start three of his reindeer.