Friday, April 17, 2009

YEA and the point is?

Let me tell you all what exactly just happened! I had to run back to town to get a harness for Bear. We'd forgotten it at the store earlier today. I'd promised Kate that she could spend the night with Molly, so I picked her up while I was out.

Coming home, the neighbor (we will call him Mr P) stopped in the road and waved me down. I stopped and asked if everything was ok, he said yea. He just wanted to chat. LOL. OH MY GOSH.

Let me back up a second. I have been down here for ten years. For the most part everyone around here has shunned me. You know, they all better then this Yankee Byatch. Whatever. Mr P included. I mean, we've had him over for dinner a few times and he does visit on occasion but for the most part... that is it. And lets add to it that Mr P lives in a shack with an upgrade of a travel pop up attached to it. OK? But he is a nice person (slightly paranoid but nice)

So, he said, "I noticed your truck was gone for a few days, is everything aight?"
Me, "Yea, we went to Pigeon Forge for vacation." and we made small talk about that. I mentioned Doc by name and he asked who he was. I told him. And he gives me this aghast look.

Me, "Mr P, what on EARTH are you looking at me like that for?"
Mr P, "Well, I don't know how to put it but I will say it like this," He pauses and looks at the ground like he's been shammed or something, like a little boy on the brink of gettin an asswhoppin. "Well, I was just going to ask you to dinner or something"
ME, "Well, Mr P, I have been down here for ten years and you've never talked to me like that, I never knew but I really can't"
HIM, "Well that might be for the best, cuz you know, if we did go out and you were willing to put out and all, well then I might find us having 5 or 6 sets of twins"
ME, "WHAT?"

I mean... WHERE THE FUCKDID THAT COME FROM? Back to the story.,,

Him, "Well, knowing about you and Doc, I reckon we won't be doing nothing like that, but if it don't work out, you know you got someone waiting on you."
Me (in a very sweet and nice voice) "Well, Thank YOu Mr P, that is very kind of you, I'll keep that in mind. I have to go, the girls are complaining to use the bathroom."
Him, "OK then, good night"

And I drove off. There was more to the conversation but I just gave you the readers digest version. My head was spinning before I pulled off. Can you believe that? I walked in the door and told Sue and Harry about it. We were laughing a good hard laugh over it. It was really funny.

And more for the record, I am nor was I ever intrested in him.

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7 Comments:

Blogger Lady Holiday said...

That's hilarious!

4/17/09, 10:36 PM  
Blogger dr sardonicus said...

How romantic...

4/17/09, 10:53 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Oh Man! You said he was 65 and lives in a shack. Wow! Thats a lot to offer a girl. I am glad you have Doc. Otherwise you might have jumped all over that! Just kidding!

4/18/09, 8:48 AM  
Blogger Philly said...

I can just see the children now....
Just kiddin! That was funny! I bet you had to control yourself to keep from laughing in front of him.

4/18/09, 9:31 AM  
Blogger Red said...

Thaks Lady, I think so too.

Doc - Ha. Don't think about it! No babies!

Michelle - 44.

Philly - OK...Mark my words here... I was struck dumb. I had absolutly nothing to retailate with. I think my jaw hit the ground. I didn't laugh until a mile down the road and I was like ... Oh geeze

4/18/09, 3:10 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Where did I get 65? I must have thought only a dirty old man would do that.

4/18/09, 4:39 PM  
Blogger The W.O.W. factor! said...

LOL!!! 5 or 6 sets of twins?? Pretty potent, eh??
This is too funny! And you don't want to live in his shack and run around barefoot??? Sit on yer front porch in a rocking chair with a jug of moonshine at your lips???
Come on Girlfriend! No sense of adventure!!!

4/20/09, 8:00 PM  

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