Just Annoy Me
Today is one of them days. I woke up irrate today. Everything and everybody has managed to annoy me at some point today. Even the animals. Tell me, what is the point of standing in front of the lawn mower when you have it in 6th gear and the idle up??? So above mowing the 5 acres of lawn, I had to constantly yell at the damn dogs.
But I know why I am annoyed and that just pisses me off all the more. I realized last night (well before last night but it really bothered me in the shower last night) that I have always liked things becasue someone else has first and recomended it to me or shoved it down my throat. Well heavy metal was a given. I was heading that way considering I already listened to the likes of the more infamous PUNK groups. So, I don't push blame on anyone for the music. Although I did listen to a lot of Classical/jazz/big band when no one was around. I could just write really good to that stuff. *sigh*
So, I am trying to find me now. It has only taken me 33 years to admit there is no me. I am just a being created by everyone else's influence. I write because everyone tried to mold me as a writer. Your so creative you should do something with that. Except for Mrs Hester, my high school art teacher, she said your art is awsome. And got scouts down from SCAD to see me. I daily kick myself in the ass for not persuing that. Why? My art was not all that great but it gave me passion and that is what I lack today.
I lack passion. I used to be really passionate about a lot of things. Things I felt had a cause. My causes. I had causes. I didn't voice them much, but they were there. I had feelings. I didn't show them much, but again they were there. Now? What is my cause? What am I fighting for? I have no causes. I lack passion. I think that is why my writing has taken a downward spiral. I lack the ability to love. I lack the ability to allow someone to love me.
Listening to "Pepper" by butthole sufers right now. "...You never know exactally how you look through other peoples eyes..." really the song is very deep. Another deep song I head this weekend was by Josh Turner "Long Black Train" It is a country song but damn he has some issues in that song, or more exactially he is touching on the fragile human emotion called weakness. But his VOICE... wow... sexy!
Below you will see a picture i took of the sky yesterday. i thought it looked pretty cool. click on the link below my profile "what I really see" and that will take you to my photobucket where I will be sending a few pictures of the air out here for you all to enjoy.
But I know why I am annoyed and that just pisses me off all the more. I realized last night (well before last night but it really bothered me in the shower last night) that I have always liked things becasue someone else has first and recomended it to me or shoved it down my throat. Well heavy metal was a given. I was heading that way considering I already listened to the likes of the more infamous PUNK groups. So, I don't push blame on anyone for the music. Although I did listen to a lot of Classical/jazz/big band when no one was around. I could just write really good to that stuff. *sigh*
So, I am trying to find me now. It has only taken me 33 years to admit there is no me. I am just a being created by everyone else's influence. I write because everyone tried to mold me as a writer. Your so creative you should do something with that. Except for Mrs Hester, my high school art teacher, she said your art is awsome. And got scouts down from SCAD to see me. I daily kick myself in the ass for not persuing that. Why? My art was not all that great but it gave me passion and that is what I lack today.
I lack passion. I used to be really passionate about a lot of things. Things I felt had a cause. My causes. I had causes. I didn't voice them much, but they were there. I had feelings. I didn't show them much, but again they were there. Now? What is my cause? What am I fighting for? I have no causes. I lack passion. I think that is why my writing has taken a downward spiral. I lack the ability to love. I lack the ability to allow someone to love me.
Listening to "Pepper" by butthole sufers right now. "...You never know exactally how you look through other peoples eyes..." really the song is very deep. Another deep song I head this weekend was by Josh Turner "Long Black Train" It is a country song but damn he has some issues in that song, or more exactially he is touching on the fragile human emotion called weakness. But his VOICE... wow... sexy!
Below you will see a picture i took of the sky yesterday. i thought it looked pretty cool. click on the link below my profile "what I really see" and that will take you to my photobucket where I will be sending a few pictures of the air out here for you all to enjoy.
posted by Jenn at 3:33 PM
2 Comments:
Some exposing you to something that you in turn like isn't always a bad thing. But finding out what you like on your own is always always always a good thing.
I so relate. God, sometimes I take on other people's interests and mannerisms so much it scares their mothers... Well, y'know. But oddly, the person themself never seems to notice.
I notice, though. Sometimes it's more subtle, but it's happened so often that now even my record collection has a multiple personality disorder! One day, I'm gonna chuck it all away and see what I miss. I must be in there somewhere...
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