Getting in on flashback to the 80's

Getting in on the 80’s flashback (as posted at the Wino-Rhino) I have a few memories of my own. I think my favorite memory was the day NYPINTA first spoke to me (ok I admit there were a lot of favorites with her but this one was so there.) In High School,or more precisely sometime in 9th grade gym class, the most beautiful girl in the school spoke to me. In my mind’s eye, I looked around, sure she meant to talk to someone else. We were, I think, "learning" the rules to basketball that day and I really knew how to play basketball and had tried out for the Varsity and JV team but I wasn’t cool enough to be accepted (because I was good damn it), but I was not in the mood to play in GYM because I think it was Co-ed or something and my boob’s had just gone through yet another growing spree. There she is, NYPINTA, big green eyes and blonde hair and the PERFECT body, standing in front of ME and having a conversation about her and JD and being on the hood of the wino-rhino and some silly blonde chic we knew. I think that’s how I remember it. Or she knew the silly blonde chic, I didn’t. I was kind of scared of her. No body could be that fake and exist. And the lip stick, gawd.
My nest favorite memory was when GUNS-N-Roses came out with that song, "Sweet Child of Mine" , and I knew Axel Rose was describing me. It fit me. Or it fit the persona I wanted everyone to see. No. It fit the persona I hid deep inside where outside I let everyone see the "fake" me. The one who had no pain, the one that was determined to have a boyfriend (though I couldn’t seem to get one or for that matter keep one and the ones I did get were... um... well... I am still single that should say enough in itself.) But that song was so me. I wanted so bad for someone to see through my "Facade" and make me fall madly in love with them. Which happened. But "HE" didn’t know it happened, he didn’t know he broke through and in fact that ...I was in love with him or he failed to see I was in love with him because he was at that time in love with my best and only person I really considered a friend (to this day) and I wouldn’t tell him because ... oh hell the rational you have at 15-16.
I then had this fascination with myself. Odd. I can admit it. I was a "compliment" hog... and yes I did fish for compliments. I became so wrapped up in "myself" that I failed to see things around me. Wrapped up in "myself" because well no one else was interested, say none the least my fucking low life god forsaken mother. I was going to join the marines. Fuck everyone. Honest to GOD. I started to run every night with my friend "Mark" and burned the baby fat I had left. I had to get down to 118 to make it in the Marines. I found out that 118 on me was 0 to 1% body fat. And to actually make weigh in, I will admit, and only this once, that I went the route of bulimic. I hit the 118 on my scales and went and did the paper work. On their scales I whaled in at 112.

But let me tell you this. I don’t think I look good that thin and I had NO BOYFRIENDS when I was thin. The marines told me to go to college (although I ACED the fucking ASVAP, I mean like missing two or three questions a section , aced the fucking thing.) and they said I was best to go for engineering because that is where my future was headed. BOY were they wrong. I still think that my mom had something to do with them not accepting me. But that was ok, the next year the Persian gulf war broke out. I was sort of happy to be home.
In college I tried to put weight back on via weight training and "fencing" and what I ended up with was a cute ass and really big fucking thighs. No boyfriend. Well, really I didn’t have time to date. I went to school full time and worked full time. Which really sucked. I got the shit end of the deal. But I was still in love with myself. I will add more on self fascination tomorrow or the next day.

What I am getting at is in the 80’s all I wanted was a boyfriend. Someone to LOVE me. And that was the one thing I never did get and still have not gotten to this day.